There is something about me saying YES to things I don’t even want to that I can’t stop doing. I tell myself I will say no next time and then… I said yes, again! Then I start being hard on myself for it. We have this idea that saying no to someone is being rude and not carrying about them, but truth is we are not carrying about ourselves and we are the ones that matter the most.
If you start looking to it in a different perspective, we can find out that no isn’t really a bad thing to say. When you say no to things you really want to say it you are giving yourself time to do the things you want to say yes to. By example, I been saying yes to my fears, this had let me creating my business at my 30’s when I could had started yeeeeears agooo! I had say yes to family reunions that I do love but don’t go with my values anymore and haven’t created my own traditions going with my values and what I would like to see in it. The other day I saw someone that was on her way out to eat with other people I know, when they saw me that’s when they invited me and I said yes, of course then I felt out of place, truth is if they wanted me there then they would had invited me when they were in their whatsapp group talking about going, but I was in the dark the entire time. I should had said no, but the need to have friends and feel like I am considered as a good company made me say yes, but the only thing I achieved was to feel more uncomfortable because they would talk about experiences they had together that I wasn’t part of.
So, why we put ourselves on these situations so often? Why we seek so bad the love and support of others? Why we look for it in the wrong places, with the wrong people? Why are we so afraid of not hurting others and compromise our desires? It is time to say, NO, and to step up and realize that you go first, I GO FIRST, what we want matters and that if we don’t feel like it then we don’t need to do it. It is not selfish!
How to say no!
- Go ahead and give yourself the permission to say NO! Understand that it is okay to say no and your wellbeing is the most important.
- Establish your boundaries. If you have cleared your values and your boundaries it will become easier to say no. Consider things like what you can do, what things you will enjoy and what you will definitely not.
- Practice saying no, it might feel awkward at first but it will get better with time. Also practice looking at yourself in the mirror and saying it so you can learn to look straight the person you will say no to.
- If you feel like you can be rude, start with gratitude or a complement so they don’t feel bad.
- To avoid confusion keep it simple but be direct and firm about your no. When you don’t show any confidence in your answer can give the other person to be persuasive.
- With this said understand that there are cases that no matter how firm you are, there are people that can’t accept no for answer and are persuasive. Stay with your no, and learn to tolerate their reactions, but don’t let them get to you.
- Don’t feel guilty about saying no; it is okay to say no!
- If you don’t know what to say at the moment, you can win some time to think about what to say by telling them that you will get with them back later on.
What are the things you need to say no to?